Lan applied for our marriage license on his next day off just as he had promised. We're still waiting for them to process our application.
In the meantime I've begun to worry more about my mother. She still seems depressed. And today I realized I hadn't even seen her in a while.
I feel guilty. You know how when you have your own things going on you can neglect the others in you life for a while? That's what I've done in regards to my mother. I was so wrapped up in getting engaged and just enjoying time with Iolani, that I sort of lost track of how long it had been since Mom had stopped by.
Thinking about it now I realize it had been nearly a month.
What let to all this thinking about my mother? I finally saw her today.
In the meantime I've begun to worry more about my mother. She still seems depressed. And today I realized I hadn't even seen her in a while.
I feel guilty. You know how when you have your own things going on you can neglect the others in you life for a while? That's what I've done in regards to my mother. I was so wrapped up in getting engaged and just enjoying time with Iolani, that I sort of lost track of how long it had been since Mom had stopped by.
Thinking about it now I realize it had been nearly a month.
What let to all this thinking about my mother? I finally saw her today.
She didn't knock on my door. She didn't just let herself in. I don't think she was really coming to visit me at all.
I was checking my mailbox when I just happened to see her walking around looking lost. She seemed to have aged at least 10 years in the weeks that have passed since I saw her last.
Naturally I headed her way to see if she was alright.
I was checking my mailbox when I just happened to see her walking around looking lost. She seemed to have aged at least 10 years in the weeks that have passed since I saw her last.
Naturally I headed her way to see if she was alright.
She didn't recognize me at first. In fact she seemed afraid of me, and she yelled at me to get away from her. I was horrified.
It was the strangest thing. One moment she was yelling at me, the next she snapped out of whatever confused state she was in. After that she seemed more like herself, but she was confused about how she had gotten to my place.
After this frightening exchange we went inside and talked for a while. I was so concerned about her that I broached the subject of her moving in with me again. Though still hesitant she actually agrees this time. Her episode must have truly shaken her.
She said she needed to pick up some things from her place, but I managed to talk her into waiting until I got home from work today. As I left I gave her a hug and asked her to stay put while I was gone. I felt better now that she had agreed to move, but I was still terribly uneasy about her mental break-down or whatever it was she experienced earlier.
Still I managed to have a productive day at work knowing she was safe at home. But when I got home just a few minutes ago she wasn't here.
I'm sure the stubborn woman decided to go collect her things by herself, but regardless I head out to find her just to make sure.
After this frightening exchange we went inside and talked for a while. I was so concerned about her that I broached the subject of her moving in with me again. Though still hesitant she actually agrees this time. Her episode must have truly shaken her.
She said she needed to pick up some things from her place, but I managed to talk her into waiting until I got home from work today. As I left I gave her a hug and asked her to stay put while I was gone. I felt better now that she had agreed to move, but I was still terribly uneasy about her mental break-down or whatever it was she experienced earlier.
Still I managed to have a productive day at work knowing she was safe at home. But when I got home just a few minutes ago she wasn't here.
I'm sure the stubborn woman decided to go collect her things by herself, but regardless I head out to find her just to make sure.
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I haven't slept much in two days. I never found my mom. I've spent countless hours searching at this point. I wish I knew how to do some tracking, because I can't find any sign of her. I'm past the point of panicking. I feel helpless. Like I'm falling apart at the seams. And I haven't seen Lan since it happened. I'm supposed to meet him tonight, though.
...
"Have you seen my Mom?" I ask him immediately.
"No, why?"
As quickly as possible I fill him in on what's happened. "What if she had another episode and is wandering around somewhere lost and confused?" I finish the recap looking desperately to him for help.
"No, why?"
As quickly as possible I fill him in on what's happened. "What if she had another episode and is wandering around somewhere lost and confused?" I finish the recap looking desperately to him for help.
Iolani's typically cheerful and optimistic mood crumbles. "Wren, I'll help you look for her, but first I have some more bad news. A Proctor came by my place today to tell me they're not approving our marriage license."
"What?!"
"Something about not accepting applications 'at this time'. I'm so sorry. I know you don't need this on top of what's going on with your mom."
In frustration I pace a few steps away. "Why?" I ask to the world or universe at large, or maybe the watcher that so many believe is out there somewhere.
"What?!"
"Something about not accepting applications 'at this time'. I'm so sorry. I know you don't need this on top of what's going on with your mom."
In frustration I pace a few steps away. "Why?" I ask to the world or universe at large, or maybe the watcher that so many believe is out there somewhere.
"I don't know!" He answers my question, but I know he's not really talking to me. He too is talking to whatever entity is listening... maybe no one or thing at all. "What did we ever do to deserve any of this?! HAVEN'T WE BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH?!!"
His enraged cry makes me flinch. I've never seen him so angry, but I do understand it. There's this feeling that the world is out to make our lives as miserable as possible. As I'm thinking about all this, trying to get my mind in the right place, a comforting thought comes to the forefront of my mind.
His enraged cry makes me flinch. I've never seen him so angry, but I do understand it. There's this feeling that the world is out to make our lives as miserable as possible. As I'm thinking about all this, trying to get my mind in the right place, a comforting thought comes to the forefront of my mind.
I turn around, walk back to the one constant in my life, take his hands, and tell him, "I'm not good at comforting words. You're the one who usually does that, but I guess you've rubbed off on me. Not that I'm trying to say everything will be okay. Honestly I think most everything will never be 'okay' again. But I do know I'm still better off than I was before I heard you call my name that day we found each other. We still have each other no matter what the government idiots say. We. Still. Have. Each. Other." I repeat that part real slow to emphasize my point. "What can we do, but keep going."
"You're right." I can see his temper calming. "You're right." He repeats. Lan has returned to his usual self. The one I need. "Let's go try to find you mom. We'll keep trying till we find her." And with that I feel better than I have in days. Not completely better, but at least I don't feel like I'm falling apart.
"You're right." I can see his temper calming. "You're right." He repeats. Lan has returned to his usual self. The one I need. "Let's go try to find you mom. We'll keep trying till we find her." And with that I feel better than I have in days. Not completely better, but at least I don't feel like I'm falling apart.