What is?
Remember when I mentioned the whole lack of clean, running water?
That's not going to happen anytime soon though. Everyone received the warnings in the very early stages of the recovery efforts. The water supplies have been contaminated. It's not worth risking death to clean myself up. I get just enough treated water in my government rations to keep myself hydrated. There isn't enough for cleaning.
I try to get by using cleaning wipes and things of that sort that I scavenged after the disaster, but those are running out.
Sometimes it seems life gets harder every day. I'm glad I at least have my work to help take my mind off things now.
Unfortunately, most nights I don't have very much to add. They obviously don't want intelligence agents to have easy access to their secrets. Hopefully I'll have more success if I can get myself promoted to the higher levels of the SIA.
I've actually managed to earn a couple of promotions already, but I'm still pretty low level. With each promotion the work has become more challenging. That means more to keep my mind off of how crappy my life is now.
I'm trying to feel grateful for that, or I had been. But yesterday something happened that changed my perspective on life.
But I don't.
Honestly, I'm tired of trying to look on the bright side. I'm tired of trying to make myself to think happy thoughts. I was grasping at straws anyway.
So what do I think now?
I had to do the whole "Stop. Drop. And roll." thing to put the flames out. Now I'm covered in even more dirt than before. Dirt that's supposedly not much healthier to have prolonged contact with than the local water.
Now I'm covered in hazardous dirt! And ashes! And just filth!!
And yes, I realize I am talking to myself!
And I manage to calm myself down a little.
I'm still not feeling like I want to continue my old ways of hoping happy thoughts will get me by until my life gets a little better. It's almost as if my old mindset was wiped away with the grime.
Don't get me wrong, though. It's not that I'm not optimistic that my life, the world, can improve. But I'm not going to be as passive about it anymore.
No more hoping things will get better.
I've decided that the number one thing I want to change is the water situation. Having none is my biggest problem at the moment, so I'm going to do my damnedest find a way to clean our waters.
Today I went to work on a mission: to find a report or two on the condition of the water supplies in the area. I figure the first step in finding a way to restore the supply of clean water is to learn exactly what is wrong with it.
The problem is: this is not even close to what I'm assigned to being doing at work at the moment. I know I could face reprimand if I am caught researching something that I'm not assigned, so I gather some reports as quickly as possible and slip them in my bag to bring home. I can go through them safely at home.
I'm beyond frustrated when I read the information I managed to collect today.
No wondering we have such limited amounts of treated water available. This is going to be an enormous undertaking. So many contaminants that must be removed....
Before I spend too much time thinking about the enormity of the problem I start reading the second report to see if it confirms the information of the first. At this point my frustration doubles. This report states that the water is dangerous, not because of dangerous chemicals, but because of high levels of radiation detected in local bodies of water after the disaster.
What could account for such a discrepancy between the two reports? Which is correct? Or are they both correct?
The only thing I know is that I won't have the answers tonight. I'll have to search for more information the next time I go to work. Unfortunately tomorrow is my off day, so I won't have the answers as soon as I'd like.
I go to bed resolved to the fact that tomorrow will be spent spinning my wheels.
When I step outside of my shelter into the daylight I notice a few people trooping along. Probably just people walking to or from work or out searching for supplies. It isn't unusual. I don't look too closely, because I'm not really interested in making friends. So I try to find my normal balance of being aware of the people in my surroundings - for safety reasons - and ignoring them so I can go about my business uninterrupted.
It's what everyone does.
So when I hear a familiar voice call my name from a distance, I am momentarily in shock.
Then I turn around.. . . .